Thursday, August 18, 2011

Rabbit Hole

Rebecca Phillips plays Izzy, the scrappy younger sister of our protagonist Becca. Unlike Becca, who loves to bake and is always making delicious desserts, Izzy isn’t very good in the kitchen. She can tell you where to find the fridge and the microwave. That’s about it. Here is some thoughtful dining advice from the expert:

Izzy Makes Dinner: Days of the Week Take-Out Menu

It can be hard to find good food on a tight budget, and no one knows that better than me.  Rather than cook, I leave food preparation to the experts.  The experts who make cheap food.

MONDAY – MAMA RIGATONI’S PIZZA

1 Large 3-topping Hand-tossed Pizza
                Toppings: Italian sausage, bacon, salami

Notes from the food critic: Mondays are the worst.  I hate Mondays.  Pizza makes me happy, therefore I order pizza.  I go back and forth between Mama Rigatoni’s and Leonardo’s Pizzeria because they’re both fantastic (don’t even talk to me about Domino’s or Pizza Hut…those are sorry excuses for pizza).  But right now I have to recommend Mama Rigatoni’s because they have this sweet deal where you can get a large 3-topping pizza for only $7.99!! I’m totally serious!  There is a god.  Load it up with whatever meat you’re craving and thank me later for the satisfying dinner you just had.

TUESDAY – SUBWAY

Chicken and Bacon Ranch Footlong Sub Sandwich
                Sides: Lays Classic Potato Chips
               
Notes from the food critic: Yesterday you treated yourself to a meat extravaganza that was well-deserved, but to make up for it you have to make healthier choices today.  Not only is a $5 footlong an incredible steal, this sandwich is loaded with vegetables.  I usually take the onions, green peppers, and tomatoes off, though.  Disgusting.  Replace the discarded veggies with a more delicious and equally nutritious vegetable: potatoes.  Grab a bag of Lays Classic potato chips to complete the meal.  If you get the baked ones you’re hurting no one but yourself.

WEDNESDAY – TACO BELL

$5 Buck Box Cheesy Gordita Crunch
                Includes: Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Burrito Supreme, and Crunchy Taco

Notes from the food critic: It is so important to have a multicultural appreciation of food.  Americans do a great job with dinner, but let us not neglect the culinary genius of our neighbors to the south.  Mexican food is so good I basically consider it a category within American food.  Taco Bell is my Mexican cuisine of choice, not only because they are passionate about nacho cheese sauce, but because they have this Fourthmeal campaign going.  Anyone who believes we should have four meals a day instead of three is a friend of mine.

THURSDAY – FIVE GUYS

Bacon Cheeseburger with Ketchup, Mustard, Mayo, and Lettuce
                Side: Regular Cajun Style French Fries

Notes from the food critic: It’s no secret that you can get a burger just about anywhere.  And while I’ve been to many a McDonalds and Burger King, the best burger I’ve ever eaten came from Five Guys.  They know that a regular burger should have TWO succulent beef patties.  In fact, they consider a burger with one patty “little.”  Their regular-sized fries are enough for two people, and consequently, the perfect amount for me.  Finally someone gets it.  And remember that something as simple as adding lettuce to your burger is not only a healthy choice, it also serves to keep your sister from harassing you about not eating enough vegetables.

FRIDAY– OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE

Outback Special 9 oz steak
Sides: Sweet Potato with Honey Butter and Brown Sugar & Aussie Fries

And because you deserve dessert…

Chocolate Thunder from Down Under: I hate when restaurants try to do the brownie and ice cream thing and they just fail.  Who wants a stale and flavorless brownie?  But this thing is the real deal.  And they even put the ice cream in its own styrofoam container so it doesn’t melt all over the brownie when you drive home.  I LOVE Australians.

Notes from the food critic: My stupid friend Reema goes to Outback and gets a salad.  A SALAD.  Sometimes I don’t know why I’m friends with her.  Anyway, a steak at Outback may cost a lot, but you just spent five days at work and you hate your life so celebrate that the weekend is finally here.  Go big or go home.  Oh and when the guy at the pick-up window tells you the total for the food, request that he repeat it in an Australian accent.  They love that stuff.  Also it’s in their contracts that they can’t refuse you.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I chose not to include Saturday and Sunday in this article.  That’s because I believe everyone needs a little variety and you gotta shake things up on the weekend.  I usually go to my sister’s and eat whatever she’s making anyway.

-Rebecca Phillips (Izzy)


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